Resilience is a word I’ve been thinking a lot about lately. The concept of it, our capacity to have it, the impact of it, and to be honest, it’s kind of blown my mind. This isn’t even the post I wanted to write today, but this topic’s been on my mind for a while now so I thought I’d get it off my chest first.
Here’s what I’m talking about:
There’s a pine tree in my front yard that’s been there since I was a kid; it’s skinny, curved, tilted, and sparse. It’s always given me anxiety during more powerful storms because in my head, it won’t make it. It’s fallen. That’s it. But sure enough, I come out after the storm is gone to find it still there, skinny, curved, tilted, and spare as ever, but still there, and a “duh” kind of feeling washes over me. After so many years, how could I doubt its strength, its ability to bend and flow with the wind, its steadfastness?
My mom had a bad stroke years ago and even after all this time I find myself worrying about her and even doubting her abilities at times. During this year’s election she volunteered to work at our local polling station from 8 am to 9 pm. I became anxious about leaving her there for so long and even went as far as to ask my dad to bring her home thinking that she was too tired to last, but sure enough, she stayed. I picked her up at the end of the day and she was fine. Tired, but fine. Resilient. And I was proud.
I see so much resilience around me, in our earth and in humanity, but I’m often left wondering how much of it I’ve personally got. I’m so quick to doubt myself and I always consider myself as not good enough… But I try anyways. Behind all this worry that I have for myself and the things and people that I love is a strong will to keep trying no matter what because no matter how many times I think that I can’t, there are many more reasons that prove that I can.
And I will.